Fly Away Home

If ever there was a movie to make a generation of children wish they could act as mother and migration guide to a flock of adorable Canadian geese, Fly Away Home is it. To be fair, it sort of has the market covered; the premise of the movie is so specific and original that we can safely say there is no other family film quite like it. While it may have given us all some unrealistic expectations about the boundless potential of our parents to swoop in (literally) and save the day, Fly Away Home is ultimately a feel-good story about the power of family and the triumph of doing the right thing. Plus, it showcases the surprising cuteness of Canadian geese. Those little guys are adorable.

Like all good 90s family films with a focus on animals, the story hinges on some anonymously evil bad guys who are inexplicably hell bent on destroying the benign, unoffensive project. In real life we rarely find such strong-willed opposition to these types of sweet, well-intentioned endeavors. For the sake of plot development, Fly Away Home follows the underdeveloped universal bad guy formula with little deviation. It does so skillfully enough, though, that we are convinced a local game warden can be a calculating, ne’er do well evil plotter while area ornithologists have the potential to save the day.

The story is actually very loosely based on a true story, but truthfully the movie explores the general plot in a way much more heartwarming and family-friendly than the inspiration. Fly Away Home gives us a little of everything from the family film value variety pack: relationship development between father and daughter, strong bonds formed with loyal animals, and an exciting and potentially dangerous journey. Before the release of this movie, it’s a safe bet to assume none of us had a deep desire to fly a glider painted to resemble a goose, but the movie’s power of suggestion was strong enough to implant the idea deep within all of us. I’m still waiting for my chance, but the best I’ve been able to scrounge up is a flight in a glider painted like a rogue cockatoo. I’ve got to say, it just wasn’t the same.



Fly Away Home (1996) - Movie Trailer
Uploaded by Silverhawk82. -

Fly Away Home opens on a tragedy in traditional fairy tale fashion with the untimely death of main character Amy’s (Anna Paquin) young mother. If we have learned anything from Disney films, it is that if you seek to become a hero, it’s pretty imperative that your mother is killed off in the first fifteen minutes of the film. Amy is no exception, and the tragic car crash leaves her poised to emerge as a strong sympathetic hero a la Bambi, Jasmine, Cinderella, Snow White Sleeping Beauty, or any of those other half-orphaned Disney protagonists.

Amy’s father (Jeff Daniels) arrives from Canada to transport her from her home in New Zealand to his in Ontario. Their relationship is understandably strained considering he’s never taken any prior interest in her existence. Nonetheless, they forge ahead under tense circumstances, with Amy resenting her father and his live-in girlfriend (Desperate Housewives’ Dana Delany) the whole way through.

Following a construction incident near a local Canadian geese nesting area, Amy discovers a batch of abandoned unhatched eggs. As the goslings hatch, their natural imprinting instinct leads them to believe Amy is their mother, cementing their status as completely inseparable. By this point, of course, we’ve gone too far blissfully uninterrupted by highly motivated obscure animal-hungry villains. In this case, the local game warden is adamant about clipping the geese’s wings--an action that leads Amy to throw a popcorn bowl in the general vicinity of his head. Ouch.



Cuteness--and some weirdness--ensues, with several sequences involving the geese following Amy around a field and joining her in the shower. Amy’s father Thomas is excessively determined to see these geese through to migration, so much so that he researches some land in the US that he could purchase as their nesting area. I’ve heard of trying to buy your kid’s love, but buying a plot of land for a group of geese that think your daughter is their mother? Seems a little excessive.

Thomas hatches (hatches!) a scheme to teach the birds to migrate south using a small aircraft. After many sporting tries and dramatic near-miss incidents, Thomas and Amy assemble the ultimate migratory vehicle complete with Canadian goose exterior paint job. They practice their vee formations and set out for North Carolina without so much as a map.


Like all good family adventures, they endure some troubling trials and tribulations but ultimately emerge victorious in their mission. The duo attracts a great deal of media attention and fanfare, though they nearly lose their intended land to developers. Thomas’s plane breaks down, Amy goes it alone, and--spoiler alert--she makes it. I know, it’s shocking to see a happy ending like this for a children’s movie. Truthfully, though, Amy has us rooting for her the whole way.

Fly Away Home is ultimately heartwarming and sweet without being overly corny. Unless you are made of stone, you probably shed a tear or two at the film’s conclusion when we saw photos of the geese returning to Amy’s farm in Ontario the following spring. Assuming I don’t have a large contingency of granite readers out there, it’s safe to say you all sniffled a bit at those credits. It’s okay, let it all out--after all, if you can’t cry at the triumphant return of a gaggle of Canadian geese that beat the migration odds, what can you cry at?

Dunston Checks In

No matter how frequently it happens, I’m always a bit surprised to see the critical thrashing taken by some of my favorite childhood movies. As a kid, my friends and I were convinced movies like Dunston Checks In was among the cinematic creme de la creme. A quick trip to aggregate ratings site Rottens Tomatoes reveals a different picture entirely; among the most positive comments is one claiming the film’s only redeeming quality is that it may possibly keep your children quiet and complacent for ninety minutes. Ouch.

As a general rule, puppets and animals are usually fail-safe stock characters with which to cast your children’s film. Not only do they come significantly cheaper than big name stars, their novelty casts a sort of unbreakable spell over impressionable children. While their accompanying adults may have been beating themselves over their heads with their own shoes to get through an hour and a half of monkey debauchery, children were gleefully taken in by the cuteness of cinema critters.

Dunston Checks In follows the adorable animal character formula pretty closely, though it does offer the semi-subverted trope twist of putting the animal protagonist on the side of the bad guys. Dunston is a cute orangutan, sure, but he ultimately is an accessory in the heist of some major jewels. I’m not sure what sort of criminal charges could be pressed against a monkey, but Dunston makes a good case for convicting simians.



Truthfully, the movie could be titled “random orangutan antics haphazardly arranged around a flimsy plot.” Dunston Checks In seems determined to insert its title monkey character into as many zany situations as possible, with little attention paid to common sense or anything related to real life situations. Of course, this is a children’s movie we’re talking about here, so that set up is not necessarily a bad thing. In many ways, this simplified plot model mash-up of Dunston’s gags and practical jokes is far more adept at holding children’s attention than a sensible linear plot could ever be.

Dunston Checks In focuses on upscale hotel owner Robert Grant (Jason Alexander), a widower with two young sons. Though the hotel is already rated at five stars, Grant finds out a six-star rating may soon be available. Determined to achieve the higher status, he sets out to vie for this new level of luxury validation.

In a classic case of 90s comedy misunderstanding, mysterious guest Lord Rutledge (Rupert Everett) is mistaken for the hotel inspector. Grant and Co. see Rutledge’s careful inspection of the hotel interior and assume him to be the incognito inspector, though in reality he is surveying the scene for a heist. I smell the onset of some hilarious hijinks.


Rutledge, for no better reason than to set up the shaky plot of a children’s movie, has an orangutan in tow who assists in carrying out his thievery missions. Dunston’s owner is less than hospitable to his monkey companion, leading the orangutan to flee to the hotel ducts and end up in the company of Grant’s sons Kyle and Brian. In turn, the boys try their best to convince the hotel staff about the ape on the premises, but Dunston’s impressive stealth makes him nearly invisible to the other hotel occupants.

As you can imagine, hilarity ensues--at least from a child’s perspective. An additional antagonist is stirred into the pot when Grant hires an exterminator (Paul Reubens) to take care of the hotel’s monkey problem. The film offers us a slew of further humorous misunderstandings, ultimately culminating in some family-friendly semi-schmaltzy but generally sweet sentimentality.

Dunston Checks In isn’t high art by any means, but many children of the 90s will still probably tune in for the nostalgia value when the movie is on TV. Like most family comedies, the humor serves to delight the easily amused children while hopefully not offending any of the parents in attendance. Even as an adult, though, there’s something sort of charming about a major animal character--no matter what he does, it’s sort of cute and funny. The story would never have made it past script screeners if Dunston was a person, but as an orangutan he’s got just about enough cuteness capital to win us over.

90s Disney Ballads

If you’re in the market for some new potentially embarrassing musical material to get you through a mind-numbingly dull road trip or your daily shower singing session, look no further than the 90s’ collection of powerful Disney ballads. These songs are just begging to be sung by warblingly off-key amateurs; sure, Disney ballads are impressive in their original form performed by respected industry favorites, but they’re that much more fun when butchered by passionate novices.At least that’s how I see it. My former roommates who had to endure those strained high notes emanating from our shared bathroom’s shower--well, they may not feel quite the same way. Sorry, guys.

So next time you’re looking to belt one out, consider partaking in one of these delightfully cheesy Disney power ballads from the 90s. It certainly won’t earn you any street credibility at the local karaoke bar, but it will leave you with a satisfying blend of nostalgia and sore vocal chords. If you’re ready to make that sort of sacrifice in the name of musical animated classics, here are Children of the 90s’ recommendations for either most inspiring or most painful--depending on your level of vocal expertise. Oh, and wherever available I stuck in some videos with lyrics to facilitate your sing-alongs. You’re welcome.

Whole New World (Aladdin)



What would Aladdin and Jasmine’s magic carpet ride be without this catchy duet? It really makes the moment. I do sort of like that the Wikipedia entry on the song includes its translated titles in the foreign dubbed versions. For example, the mainland China version is called, “Meet by Chance.” In France it’s “This Blue Dream.” It doesn’t have quite the same ring to my American ears. “This Bluuuuuuue Dreeeeeeeam....” Hmm. Not working for me.


Part of Your World (The Little Mermaid)



I will admit, when I look at that stuff, I do find it to be awfully neat. In fact, the collection seems to be just about complete. It just screams, “Think that Ariel is a girl who has everything!” But then I must fight my instincts and realize that the human artifacts in Ariel’s undersea cave can never equal the glory of having human legs. She may rock the shell bra, but that’s not enough to get her out there walking on one of those--what do you call it? Streeeeets.


Beauty and the Beast (Beauty and the Beast)


There’s something uniquely charming about a ballad crooned by a kindly matronly teapot. It’s just that much better when you find out that teapot is actually Angela Lansbury of Murder, She Wrote; she’s got serious cross-generational appeal. Grandparents, rejoice!


Reflection (Mulan)



You know you’re looking at a serious Disney ballad when the single version is performed by Christina Aguilera--she can really belt it out. “Reflection” has just the right balance of heartfelt emotion and grrrrl power. It’s like watching the Spice Girls rescue a puppy. Kind of. Okay, not really. You come up with a good comparison, then. Really, give it your best shot. Tough, huh?


You’ll Be In My Heart (Tarzan)



Just in case you ever wondered what it would sound like if the mastermind behind “Sussudio” recorded a heartwarming Disney ballad, here’s your opportunity to find out. Phil Collins’ “You’ll Be in My Heart” charted well on the Billboard Top 100, rising to the 21st spot--not bad for a Disney song.


Colors of the Wind (Pocahontas)



Speaking of decently-charting Disney songs, Vanessa Williams’ end-credits version of this Pocahontas ballad peaked at #4 on the US charts. It’s undeniably cheesy, but at least it has an underlying message. Well, it does if you ignore the fact that Disney completely ignored all actual historical and/or cultural elements of the real Pocahontas story in their retelling. It’s a message, sure, but probably not a historically accurate one. Oh well--at least it’s catchy.

Can You Feel the Love Tonight? (The Lion King)



Well? Can you? The falling-in-love-with-an-old-platonic-friend-in-a-matter-of-minutes montage certainly helps move things along at a steady pace. With the aid of these handy visual, you will indeed feel the love. Tonight.

Runner Up: Circle of Life. Only you can memorize the words in the intro, though. Otherwise, it’s just not worth it.



Go The Distance (Hercules)



I’m not ashamed to tell you I kind of like the Michael Bolton version that plays out the credits. Well, not that ashamed. Perhaps I should be more ashamed to admit I have the Spanish version--performed by Ricky Martin, no less--on my iPod.


God Help the Outcasts (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)



I felt compelled to include a song from all of the Disney musical animated films of the decade, but truthfully this one doesn’t pack quite the same punch as some of the others. Sorry, Esmeralda--you’re just not doing it for me here. There’s cheesy and then there’s over-the-top milking for emotional responses. Add in the Bette Midler version and it’s just too much to bear.

Movie Montages

It's a prickly situation: you've brought your characters to a certain point, having effectively developed their hopes and dreams, but you aren't quite sure how to proceed in a time-efficient manner. Maybe you have to condense a year's worth of training into a three minute span. Perhaps you're looking to establish a motive for an otherwise inexplicably hardened criminal character. Or maybe, just maybe, a ragtag group of local kids just want to clean up the old rec center with a coat of fresh paint and a gloss of idealistic optimism. We can only hope.

Whatever the major plot hole, you can always enlist a dependable movie montage to plug these troublesome leaks. It's a sort of screenplay all-purpose grout to eliminate the cracks in between well-thought out plot points. We all know actual story development is tough--too tough, sometimes. Yes, we could probably have spent some time delving into the deeper issues and motivations at play, but montages do the trick in a pinch.

If you're looking to amp up your film's soundtrack, the montage is also a source of great musical inspiration. If you ever want anyone to listen to your movie's soundtrack while training for a marathon or somehow otherwise dreaming the impossible dream, it's imperative you back up your inspiring montage with an equally inspirational song. Imagine the Karate Kid montage without Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" blaring in the background. Nothing, right? Now add the song. Ahhh. Perfection.

Still lost on when to insert a montage into your roughly edited film project? Here are some handy hints from our friends from Team America: World Police:



If you're still looking for clarification on how to insert a cop-out montage to illustrate a major point in your film, try your best to adapt your montage vision to one of the following categories:

Training



This is the most common montage, and with good reason: how else are you supposed to illustrate the ups and downs of a trying training period in a short period of time? Real time training footage would be brutal--watching people lift weights is, honestly, incredibly boring. Plus, I can do it at the gym for free. Even then, I'd prefer to have a pump-it-up song playing on my iPod. It just works.

The training montage has many recognizable hallmarks, such as general physical exercise, excessive sweating, and repeated near-miss attempts to achieve some seemingly unattainable martial arts move/dance step/boxing feat. This last device is supposed to leave us in suspense about whether or not our hero will reach this particularly challenging goal, but its presence in the montage is a sure sign they absolutely will.

As Seen In: The Karate Kid, Dirty Dancing, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, and of course, all of the Rocky Movies--they practically invented the inspirational training montage


Falling in Love



In real life, meeting your mate is rarely a linear process. In movies, however, we've got to keep things moving for the sake of our viewers' sanity. Instead of experiencing a series of ups and downs over a long period of time, some films conveniently repackage the lengthy process into a mere two or three minutes. It may not be entirely accurate, but it's can be significantly more palatable than watching the full drawn-out process post meet-cute.

As Seen In: The Lion King. Can you feel the love tonight? They could. Montage style.


It's All Good



Everything going well, but you don't know how to convey it to the audience? Don't worry, there's a montage out there for you. The "It's All Good" model was designed specifically to portray a general Era of Good Feelings in your story. It's pretty boring to just watch a successful business run its day-to-day operations, so why not invest in some cheesy cut-together footage of the whole gang high fiving at their victories? It sure beats watching them change the office thermostat and answer the phone.

As Seen In: Ghostbusters, subverted and played for laughs in The Naked Gun


Let's Build Something Together



This is a pure 80s montage trope, exuding cheesiness from its every frame. According to the background music, all it takes is "One Foot in Front of the Other" to call to arms your mismatched group of social outcasts. Apparently with enough editing, even the nerdiest among us can look like construction experts and painting pros.

The Revenge of the Nerds scene was mocked mercilessly in an episode of Family Guy where the guys try to fix a dilapidated bar. To be fair, Family guy mocks everything mercilessly and this montage totally deserved it. You can't put out something this cheesy without an openness to endless parody.


As Seen In: Revenge of the Nerds



Overcoming Obstacles/Achieving Once-Impossible Goals

I know, I know, it sounds suspiciously similar to the training montage, but bear with me here for a few moments as I take you on a journey through the magical world of meeting our potential by being our honest selves. Sounds boring, right? It is. that's exactly why we need a montage--to move things along at a watchable speed.

In some cases (see: Back to School, Legally Blonde, other school-heavy movies) a montage is really your only out. Studying in itself is not a suspenseful or exciting activity, so if can show a clock spinning past the hours that would really help move things along. There's only so long the audience will tolerate watching a main character read quietly to himself. Don't push it.

Not all examples are quite so low-key. In Teen Wolf, Scott believes in himself--basketball montage style--just enough to resist "wolfing out" during the big game. What's that? That made no sense? Don't worry, it doesn't help if you've seen the movie. That actually might just make it more confusing. Either way, Scott defies the standard werewolf-to-human degeneration of basketball prowess and wins the big game. Hooray!

As Seen In: Legally Blonde, Teen Wolf, Back to School

School's Out for the Summer: Summertime Movies and Shows

Though most of us as adults don't get the luxury of the feverish excitement leading up to summer vacation, summertime still brings many of us a distinct sense of relaxation and fun. Even while we're cooped up working all day, it's a bit heartening to see the sunshine poking through the window of our cell--er, cubicle. It may not be a summer at the rec center pool or sleep-away camp, but we've got to take it where we can get it.

At the very least, the season gives us the chance to re-watch some of our old childhood summertime favorites. Or, failing that, you can at least read about it here while sneaking a break at work. It's minor consolation for those of us stuck pencil pushing, though hey, it's something. You won't get a savage tan or learn to swim a mean backstroke, but hopefully you'll crack a smile or two. At this point, that may be the best we can ask for as we count down to the glorious work-free Memorial Day weekend.

So kick back, relax, and take a journey into summertimes past. Well, don't kick back too much; I don't want to be blamed when your boss gets on your case about sipping frozen margaritas on the job. Use your discretion here.


Heavyweights



Here's a fun little-known 90s fact: did you know Heavyweights was produced by Judd Apatow? Oh, and that Ben Stiller plays a variation of that guy he played in Dodgeball and his father plays his father, just like in all those other movies? I admit this trivia is vague, but summertime research is for nerds. Anyway, who knew a movie about fat camp participants trying to take down a malicious fitness infomercial star could be so funny? The premise might not sound like much, but I promise, it's worth your while.


Salute Your Shorts



How many 90s kids out there hear the opening bars of reveille and immediately break into the Camp Anawanna song? It's almost a reflex. Now it's "I hope we never part" not "You make me wanna fart," so get it right or pay the price. Geez.


The Parent Trap



To this day, the main reason I want to learn how to play poker is with the secret hope that "Bad to the Bone" will spontaneously start blaring in the background. Well, secret's out. It's probably not worth it, anyway; I'm not so sure I'd have the guts to jump in the lake naked if I lost.


Now and Then



To girls growing up in the 90s, Now and Then is a legitimate classic. It's just the right blend of humor, coming-of-age drama, and just a dash of shmaltz thrown in for good measure. With its four distinct "types," we all had a character to whom to relate. Personally, I always fancied myself something of a Teeny.


The Sandlot



There's something about a good sports-themed coming of age film that has the power to take you back to a simpler time. To the kids of the Sandlot, the most important priorities for the summer are to play ball, kiss teenage lifeguards, and rescue their bat from the jaws of the dreaded Beast. Throw in some stomach-turning amusement park forays into chewing tobacco use and you've got yourself a hilarious--albeit nausea inducing--summertime adventure.


The Babysitter's Club




Oh, how my friends and I longed to boost an academically challenged peer's self confidence by staging an elaborate biology review complete with "The brain, the brain, the center of the chain" chant. Some abnormally responsible middle school girls have all the luck. I never even got to lie about my age to a 17-year old boy while simultaneously concealing the truth about my diabetes. Sigh.


Camp Nowhere



You have to love a movie built on the premise of a harebrained scheme dreamed up by a bunch of preteens. Even though our rational adult minds know nothing like this would ever unfold in real life, it's infinitely fun to imagine a world where a bunch of kids and Doc Brown could join forces to start a fake camp.


Saved by the Bell: Malibu Sands



Only Saved by the Bell has the power to condense a summer's worth of zany situation comedy and inevitable romantic drama into a neatly packaged six episodes. The show set the bar on introducing and subsequently disregarding all signs of existence of temporary characters, so it's no surprise Zack's romance with Stacey Carosi was short-lived. It was fun to see the whole gang living it up at the Malibu Sands club, but there's only so many beach storylines to go around. Once the girls battled it out in the Miss Liberty pageant, we knew it was time to go home.



Dirty Dancing



If you're interested in having the time of your life and feeling a way you've never felt before, I advise you pack up your things and head to a resort in the Catskills for summer break. There's a chance you might defy your affluent family by falling in love with a working-class guy from the wrong side of the country club kitchen, but that's a chance you've to be willing to take.


Dazed and Confused



Only a skillfully directed movie can stretch the meandering events of a single day into an interesting slice of everyday high school anthropology. Dazed and Confused takes us through the last day of school from the hazing to loitering to partying to eventually getting busted by the cops. It may sound as if I just gave away the whole movie in a short sentence, but don't worry. I didn't even get to the part where he listens to "Slow Ride" on his headphones. Oops. Sorry about that. Anyway, you should absolutely invest in this soundtrack; it's brilliant.

Runner Up: Wet Hot American Summer. Sure, it came out in 2001, but it's 80s themed and one of my favorite movies of all time. If you haven't seen it, it's imperative that you go out and rent it immediately. That's an order.

Memorable 80s and 90s Teen Movie Songs

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If only our own high school experiences had come with their own signature soundtrack, we may have had a better idea of how to properly process our emotions. It's tough to try to have a pensive moment without something deep and soulful playing in the background. Believe me, I've tried.

Real life just can't always measure up to the effective power of a good soundtrack. When the moviemakers choose just the right song, it can skillfully set the mood for a crucial moment. From that point on, whenever we hear that song out of the context of the movie, our minds are likely to transport us back to the scene. A solid song choice has the power to cement the moment in our heads forever, iconic for posterity,

Some of these teen movie moments are silly and some are serious, but they all have one thing in common: they're highly memorable. Without the music, many of these scenes may not be especially worthy of remembering. With the music, though, they create defining moments in the teen movie canon. To create an exhaustive list would be, well, exhausting, so consider these to be a mere skimming of the teen movie music moment surface.

She's All That: Rockafeller Skank



This scene is undoubtedly cheesy, but it's enough to make a tiny part of us wish our own proms had included a highly choreographed school-wide dance number. Granted, most of our peers in high school probably weren't capable of professional-level dance moves, but it may have been fun to watch them try.

10 Things I Hate About You: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You



It's more than enough to make us all mourn the loss of Heath Ledger. He just oozes charm in this scene, allowing us to suspend our disbelief that a high school boy might actually have thought up something legitimately romantic. To be fair, Ledger was 20 years old at the time, so no wonder's his musical seduction outstrips the average high school boy's in maturity.


Can't Hardly Wait: Can't Get Enough of You Baby



Smashmouth must have written this song with the racially deluded white rapper Kenny Fisher in Mind. Seth Green plays this moment to absolute perfection. I suppose if I had to practice romancing myself in the mirror, I could use some good musical motivation, too. Granted, most of us don't need quite as much musical lubrication as Kenny to woo our own reflections. Then again, most of us don't wear goggle/JNCO jeans combos.


Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Twist and Shout



Next time I come across a Von Steuben Day parade, I am totally pulling a Ferris. If the band doesn't know "Twist and Shout," I'm willing to settle for "Danke Schoen." Anything else would just clash with the float girls' Heidi-esque German barmaid ensembles.


Say Anything: Your Eyes



Ah, the moment that inspired a generation of young girls to daydream about the moment a boy would stand in their yard with a boombox held persistently over their heads. This is a moment that might lose of of its recreatability over time. What are kids today supposed to do? Hold wireless iPod speakers over their head? Please. It just isn't the same.


Breakfast Club: Don't You (Forget About Me)



Simple Minds recorded "Don't You (Forget About Me)" specifically for the Breakfast Club, so it's no wonder it comes across as particularly poignant in this coming of age film. Simple Minds may not have gone on to do great things, but they're probably rolling in royalties from all of the many, many Breakfast Club parodies in movies and TV in the years since the original.


Clueless: Kids in America



So you're probably thinking to yourself, "Is this like a Noxema commerical or what?" Cher claims the answer is "or what," but I'm tempted to believe otherwise. No real high schoolers ever frollick in their backyard waterfalls. At least none who attended my high school. Maybe you all grew up in heavily waterfall-populated neighborhoods.


Center Stage: The Way You Make Me Feel



Michael Jackson may have released "The Way You Make Me Feel" back in 1987, but a new generation of teens fell in love with the song after hearing it in the climactic dance performance in the 2000 ballet film Center Stage. It was almost enough to distract us from Jody's impossible pink-to-red shoe switcharoo.


Cruel Intentions: Bittersweet Symphony



Exposing the popular girl in school for dipping into the secret cocaine stash in her cross necklace may not seem like a particularly poignant moment, but back it up with the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" and prepare to be moved. Really.


Pretty in Pink: If You Leave



It's pretty much impossible to hear Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark's "If You Leave" without immediately recalling the final scene in Pretty in Pink. Runner-up for most impossible? Spelling "manoeuvres". That's a tough one, at least for the ignorant Americans among us.


Romeo and Juliet: Lovefool



The Cardigan's major hit single aptly set the mood for the romantic meeting moment between Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio as Juliet and Romeo. Their eyes lock across an aquarium, which sounds highly unromantic without "Lovefool" playing in the background. It just works.

Note: Yes, I realize some of these videos don't contain the actual scenes. It's the best we can do with the YouTube copyright crackdown. Thanks for your understanding.

Your Favorite Childhood Movies: Results of the Semi-Scientific Reader's Choice Vote

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The results are in! Well, sort of--perhaps we should say the preliminary results are in; there's still time to let me know your favorites for a follow-up post. In the case of short term memory failure, allow me to remind you about Children of the 90s' impromptu polling for your favorite childhood movies. A few days back, we asked for your write-in votes for the movies you most loved growing up. That is, these movies don't necessarily have to be the most objectively good movies out there, but ones that effectively bring us back to our respective childhoods.

This list doesn't represent any actual empirical data; I'm willing to admit our methods were a bit haphazard. That's part of the fun, though. If you want your voice heard, lurkers, the comment section is beckoning. Don't stew quietly over the omission of your opinions--let us know. In the spirit of true interactivity, share a bit. Really, it's fun.

Based on those of you I did hear from, it's pretty fair to judge the way the readership demographic skews. Much to the chagrin of my boyfriend (who, to his credit, did his part in participating in this democratic experiment by submitting the only vote for Independence Day) this list speaks volumes on the female-dominated fan base here at Children of the 90s. Unless a major contingency of young men have a spot reserved in their hearts from A Little Princess and Troop Beverly Hills, it seems safe to surmise the majority of the voters are female. Sorry, guys. This is what happens if you don't comment. Lesson learned, I assume. No hard feelings.

Here are your choices, in some particular order. That's the opposite of no particular order, right? Whatever the expression that conveys they're sorted by tabulated votes but that Excel has alphabetized the ties. Don't fight it, it makes perfect sense. You with me? Great. Let's begin:


10. Camp Nowhere



When your and your friends' parents are dead set on sending you to variations on dreaded summer camp, you pretty much have no other option other than to stage an elaborate kid-run ruse rich in wacky misunderstanding and parent-free fun. If you can think of another solution, I'm willing to hear you out, but I'm almost positive this zany scheme is it--though it could possibly be classified as a last resort. Yes, I said resort, and it was totally a camp pun. Admit it, you loved it.


9. The Lion King



There was a surprising deficit of Disney in the write-in voting results, but I assume most of us take the animated films of the 90s' Disney Renaissance to be something of a given. Many of them not only won universal approval from indiscriminate children, but appealed to adults as well. The Lion King is a particularly creative and visually impressive film, full of deep messages for the parents and comic relief warthog farting references for the kiddos.


8. Annie



The 1982 film adaptation of the popular musical may have received mixed reviews from critics, but as kids anything with songs to sing along to ranked pretty high on our favorites. Plus, it gave us a great start on learning all the words to Jay Z's "Hard Knock Life" a decade and a half later. Even if we couldn't all relate to his experiences, we could at least pantomime sweeping along to the chorus like the orphans did in the movie.


7. Matilda



Matilda differed in many ways from the original Roald Dahl story, giving us an Americanized and slightly toned-down version of the darkly humorous children's novel. Then-child star Mara Wilson stars as a prodigy raised by ignorant and uninterested parents in a sufficiently adorable way. They did manage to keep in a bit of the creepiness--I still occasionally have nightmares about being locked in the Chokey.


6. My Girl



Frequent movie cryers, rejoice. My Girl is one of those movies that made it okay to cry in the theater, most likely because everyone else was sobbing along with you. That's what they get for tragically killing off one of their lovable characters with a bee sting allergy--a flood of tears. Thankfully, the humor counter-balances the malady. If nothing else, we all learned to open our mouths, reveal our partially chewed food, and declare it "see-food."


5. A Little Princess



As a child, I wondered why I constantly confused this movie with The Secret Garden. Turns out they were both based on books written by Frances Hodgseon Burnett. Considering I read them both, you would think I would have put the pieces together. You would think wrong. In both of these films, I deeply envied the young girls' life in India and subsequent quiet coming of age adventures. I'm still torn on whether I'd rather have a key to an overgrown forgotten garden or be the most popular girl in boarding school. It's safe to say both remain fairly attractive options.


4. The Princess Bride



To those of you out there who told me you've never seen this one, you need to buckle down and settle in for a viewing. It's truly a classic, from its quirky characters to a preadolescent Fred Savage. The Princess Bride deftly maneuvers its positions as both a fairy tale in its own right and a parody of the genre. Needless to say, if you have not watched it since childhood, you might want to dust off the old VHS; it has a cleverness and wit we did not all pick up on as young kids.


3. Troop Beverly Hills



This movie was like girlhood gospel to my friends and I, so imagine my surprise to find it was absolutely ripped apart by critics. They refused to even crack a smile at Shelly Long's ridiculous get-ups or the "Cookie Time" song. The only likely verdict is that they all have hearts of stone. That "Cookie Time" song is pure gold.


2. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead



Films we loved as kids defy a need for logic, usually requiring a heaping helping of suspension of disbelief. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is a classic example, with its that-would-absolutely-never-happen premise and the dumping of their old lady babysitter's body on the steps of a funeral home. Aside from all of that, it's a fun movie that appeals to kids in the classic no-parents style. Sue Ellen Crandell is still my fashion icon, just for the record.


1. Clueless



This was the standout winner in our pseudo-scientific poll, receiving by far the most votes for favorite childhood movie. It's no wonder we all loved it so much, considering its impact on our generation. Without Cher Horowitz, who knows? We may never have uttered the words "As if!" while wearing a pair of knee socks. A sad prospect, indeed.

Honorable Mentions: TMNT, Neverending Story, Mrs. Doubtfire, All of the Home Alone Movies--unfortunately none of you could agree on which one was the foremost contender in the series, diluting the votes over the three installments. Better luck next time, Home Alone fans. I recommend banding together with purpose next time around.

The 90s' Favorite Canine Companions

I was actually meaning to write a post about some of our favorite 90s pups two months back when we adopted our dog, but I've been too busy rescuing semi-chewed wallets from the inside of his death-trap jaws and picking up the inner stuffing of his over-loved toys off of the floor to bother. All these TV and movie dogs are always too busy going on Incredible Journeys, professing their love for Taco Bell in Spanish, or rising to fame as canine basketball stars to bother with day to day walking, feeding, and general well-meaning terrorizing of their owners. With this in mind, I was almost certain adopting a dog would be similar to the experiences I'd seen in the entertainment of my childhood. I knew to be prepared for lurking villainous dog fur poachers around every bend and to keep on the lookout for opportunities for my dog to take me on a humorous kid-friendly trip into the world of classic literature. Overall, it was a pretty exciting prospect.

As of yet, however, none of these outcomes have really panned out. I thought the dog was about to transform my living room Wishbone-style into a Shakespearean drama complete with period costumes, but it turned out he was just trying to catch a moth. I haven't given up hope though; it could still happen. I'll be prepared with my Elizabethan snood and pantaloons when it does.

These famous canines may not have given us a realistic depiction of dog ownership, but their general adorableness and lovability makes up for the resultant misconceptions about their magical and athletic abilities. If we overestiamte our own dogs' ability for greatness, it's only because these lovable pups set the bar so high with their hilarious and frequently heartwarming antics.


Chance and Shadow from Homeward Bound




If only we could all hear our dog's innermost thoughts narrated by Don Ameche and Michael J. Fox. They would be alternately wise and mischevious, with a touch of "Dogs rule and cats drool" thrown in for good measure.


101 Dalmatians




After the release of the 1996 live remake of the animated Disney classic 101 Dalmatians, the demand for Dalmatian puppies exploded. The movie created a breed boom, stocking housefuls of vulnerable children with adorable but admittedly rambunctious dalmatians. While the movie pupies were spared the cruel fate of becoming Cruella's fur coat, many of their real life counterparts were frequently abandoned or mishandled. Let the lesson be learned: highly trained Disney movie dogs may be enticing, but that's not what you're going to get at your local pet store or shelter.


Air Bud




Now here's a dog with some serious prospects. Not only was Air Bud an incredibly skilled basketball player, but he later went on to conquer football (Air Bud: Golden Receiver,) soccer (Air Bud: World Pup,) and baseball (Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch) among other pursuits, including Air Buddies puppy spinoffs. If nothing else, this series deserves major props for what may be the most groan-inducing puns to ever grace a movie poster.


All Dogs Go to Heaven




With names like Charlie B. Barkin and Itchy Itchiford, what's not to love? Plus, they're voiced by Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise, some pretty impressive big names during the movie's 1989 release. Everyone learns a lesson, it's sufficiently heartwarming, and all the dogs get to go to heaven. All in all, a pretty good deal.


Otis from Milo and Otis




This originally Japanese movie was dubbed in English for Western release, detailing the cute story of a kitten and a pug puppy who make their way through all sorts of adventures, evenutally settling down with a cat or dog mate of their own, respectively. The animals are adorable, especially Otis, so it's a bit disturbing to learn of the animal cruelty allegated filed against the Japanese filmmakers. I'm just going to hope for the sake of my childhood innocence that the Japanese Humane Society told the truth in the closing credits that no animals were harmed in the filming of this movie.



Beethoven




Here's a solid example of a canine character that bombed with critics but resonated well with enthusiastic and easily amused audiences. Movie reviewers may not have been kind, but the movie's eponymous St. Bernard proved popular enough to spawn a slew of theatrical and straight-to-video sequels. Though I haven't seen Beethoven's Seventh, I can only assume it's equal parts hilarious big dog antics and cutesy symphony title jokes.


The Beast from the Sandlot




Now here is an example of a seriously scary movie dog. To the kids of the Sandlot, this mastiff was their most feared nemesis of the summer. It's pretty safe to say that while it all turned out okay in the end with The Beast, I doubt the demand for mastiff puppies surged as a result of the movie.


Comet from Full House




Here's a revelation: Full House's lovable golden retriever went on to play the title role in the film Fluke. His fur was dyed and apparently restyled to give him a more mutt-like appearance for the film. Turns out by default this makes Comet's post-FH acting career more successful than Stephanie Tanner's or Kimmy Gibbler's. Who knew?


Spunky from Rocko's Modern Life




You've got to feel a little bad for the house pet in a TV show populated by anthropromorphic characters. They're all animals too, but the poor dog is the only one who can't seem to communicate effectively. Tough break, Spunky.


Porkchop from Doug




Porkchop may not have been able to talk, but this dog was awesome. He was forever getting Doug out of jams before going to chill in his igloo doghouse. Get it? Chill? Igloo? No? Okay, okay, fine.


Spike from Rugrats




To be fair to Tommy, as a toddler I always thought the pet food looked pretty tasty, too. I was always rooting for him when I saw the above episode "Fluffy vs. Spike." Fluffy was no match.


Wishbone




What, your Jack Russell terrier never takes you on educational adventures through historically relevant fiction? You're probably just not feeding him the right brand of food. I'd also recommend asking him, "What's the story?" It always worked for Wishbone. You might want to sing it, though.


Yo Quiero Taco Bell Chihuahua





This little guy did for chihuahuas what 101 Dalmatians did for dalmatians. The character was played by canine actress Gidget Chipperton, though she didn't provide her own hilarious Taco Bell-seeking vocals. If nothing else, this little guy did teach even the most unilingual among us a single Spanish phrase. If I ever get lost in a Spanish speaking country where I think there may be a Taco Bell present, I'll know how to find it.


I don't usually do this sort of thing, but I just couldn't resist. In case you were incredibly curious--and I'm sure you were!--here's a photo of my own little monster. He may not be quite as accomplished as these dog stars, but I think we'll keep him. Plus, if we build him an igloo in the backyard, I think he might start co-starring in my Quailman fantasy sequences. It's worth a try.