Sunday, May 10, 2009

Would You Rather: 90s Edition

Yesterday afternoon, my boyfriend and I were browsing a local Barnes and Noble for general bemusement purposes and I stumbled upon what can only be described as my new favorite miniature book (other than this book, which I also found to be disproportionately hilarious). As I read (well, if you can consider following my boyfriend around while shouting questions aloud in between bouts of irrepressible laughter "reading") this book, I had a sudden flash of insight. Okay, well, to be fair, my boyfriend actually suggested the idea to me (probably in an effort to quell the aforementioned following/loud reading in public areas/unstoppable guffawing), so I should probably make some effort assign him credit where it is due. (In case you missed it, that was it.)

The book is Would You Rather? by Justin Heimberg and David Gomberg, two Bergs after my own heart in terms of non-sequitor absurdist humor. I am sure that many of you have previously encountered this book in some capacity and are unimpressed by my so-called "discovery" of a title that has lined bookstore shelves since 1997, but this will not stop me from touting its glorious hilarity and ripping off its general underlying premise in a completely copyrightedly acceptable way.

Without futher ado, I proudly introduce the frequency as-of-yet-to-be-determined Children of the Nineties feature, Would you Rather? (tailored 90s-style for your nostalgic enjoyment):


Would you rather...



Have the resourceful ability to conveniently stop time in a Zach Morris "Freeze!"-style fashion

or


Possess Alex Mack's toxic waste-induced mutant powers of transformation in a puddle of movable metallic goo, telekinesis, and long-distance electronic zappage?


Possibilities to Ponder: Ability to plead your case directly to the audience, chance to briefly rearrange others in compromising positions, short-listing for Capri Sun commercials.

Explain your reasoning.

18 comments:

LWLH said...

I'd probably go for Zack Morris "freezing"..I see more possible benefits from that than being goo!

Sadako said...

Alex Mack all the way. I'd love to be goo. Sneaking into people's houses, etc. Though how come no one ever noticed a puddle just moving around?

I had a Would You Rather? book but it wasn't a 90s thing...I think it was older b/c I read it when I was really young. It was for kids--stuff like would you rather go skate boarding with a pig or have tea with a goat. I think it was British. It was very twee!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

Oooh, good idea! I like this feature! I would definitely go with Zack Morris' freezing powers - that would so come in handy for my job!

rachaelgking said...

Oh, definitely Alex. All the way. She had way more powers... but if it was a matter of actually BEING the person? Zach, 100%. Cause then I'd be the coolest kid in school. Awww yeah!

kellyanne said...

definitely zack morris time freeze. because in real life, how many times do you need to stop and comment?

Hepburn Hilton said...

Mutant powers! lol

I play this game with my friends all the time! We always make the choices repulsing, often involving extremities, sex and people we dislike lol. Somehow one alternative always seems better then the other not matter how grose.

courtney said...

Alex Mack! It's kinda funny but last night K and I were actually talking about Alex Mack and how cool she was while drinking margaritas at a mexican resturant.

Mr. Condescending said...

freeze. I could freeze time and pull out the wheelchairs from under people! Just kidding bout that part.

Anonymous said...

I'd say Zack Morris...less risk of getting caught and having it blow up in your face :) Plus, I'd be able to voice all my snarky commentary!!

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Alex Mack!!! I used to watch that all the time. I miss the 90's.... =)

Teach.Workout.Love said...

alex mack!!!!!!!!!! she had special powers!!

Ashley said...

Would Zack Morris be with me in my frozen time moment? Alex Mack's Capri Sun liquid always reminded me of the Terminator cop that could morph. Remember that guy? He got all silver-liquidy, too.

Thomas said...

I feel old for asking but who is Alex Mack?

ReRe said...

alex mack all the way! i could slide into all kinds of places without being noticed.

plus, zack never did anything really cool with his freeze stuff

Optimistic Pessimist said...

This is nearly impossible to decide. Geez...I don't know what to do. If you could freeze people you could go do what ever you wanted to do and then go back to where you were, not having to give an alibi. You could take people's keys to unlock doors and then put them back...you could go almost anywhere unnoticed. But then there's all the cool stuff alex can do.

I would go with time freezing, IF I could freeze time for long periods of time, longer than zach could. If not, then it's alex all the way.

Like how I wasn't able to fully commit to either one?

nikki said...

Hmm...what a tough decision. Probably the Alex Mack thing. Though I can definitely see the benefits to freezing time.

Hey, could I turn into goo, then slide into the boys locker room at Bayside High and watch Zack and Slater change clothes? Cause I totally would!

Heather said...

Oh, sign me up for the Zach Morris ability to stop time! That would be REALLY useful some days!!

Kellie said...

Zach Morris! Freeze! I could use any additional time in the mornings as possible!

And I'm w/ nikki = watching Zach & Slater change clothes would be awesome. :)

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